Safety, relationships, and self-advocacy

Consent, boundaries, and relationships

Autistic adults and adults with intellectual disability have the same right to friendships, dating, intimacy, privacy, and to say no as any other adult. A conservatorship, if one exists, does not automatically erase this — it removes specific rights a court names, not personhood. Supporters’ role is to help someone build the skills and judgment to navigate relationships safely, not to prevent all risk by preventing all relationships. Boundaries — whose body, whose space, whose choice — can be taught, practiced, and reinforced like any other skill.

Sexuality education

Plain-language, rights-based sexuality education built specifically for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities exists — it is not something to improvise. One example is the Elevatus Training curriculum for people with I/DD, co-created with people with disabilities and covering consent, relationships, decision-making, and sexual health for high-school-age through adult learners. We could not confirm a specific Rutherford County provider currently delivering it — ask a developmental pediatrician, therapist, or the person’s ECF CHOICES support coordinator for a local referral, or ask a program directly whether it offers this kind of instruction.

Abuse prevention and recognizing exploitation

This is not a small risk. Federal data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics found the rate of violent victimization against people with disabilities (46.2 per 1,000 age 12 or older) was almost four times the rate for people without disabilities (12.3 per 1,000) — and people with cognitive disabilities had the highest rate of any disability type measured, 83.3 per 1,000. The same report found only 19% of rapes or sexual assaults against people with disabilities were reported to police, compared to 36% for people without disabilities — under-reporting is part of the problem, not just the crime itself.

Warning signs include unexplained injuries, sudden fear of a specific person or place, withdrawal from usual activities, and unusual financial activity. Financial exploitation specifically can look like a new “friend” who starts asking for money or account access, missing belongings, or sudden changes to a will or beneficiary forms. Trust a pattern over any single incident, and report concerns rather than waiting for certainty.

Online safety

The same judgment that applies offline applies online, just slower to build. Practice privacy settings together, and agree on a rule of never sending money, passwords, or financial information to anyone met online, no matter how long the relationship has gone on. If an online relationship is moving toward meeting in person, involve a trusted person in the plan first — where, when, and who knows. Scam patterns to name out loud: urgent requests for money, refusal to video call, and any relationship that stays entirely online for a long time by the other person’s choice.

Wandering and elopement in adulthood

Yes, for some autistic adults this doesn’t stop at 18. ID that names the person as autistic and lists an emergency contact, and a GPS locator if the person wants one, both still apply — see our full safety and elopement guide for specific tools and prices; most of it still works for adults, with the person’s own consent leading the decision rather than a parent’s alone. On Project Lifesaver specifically: as of our last check, neither the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Office nor the Murfreesboro Police Department was a listed participating agency — the closest was Williamson County. Agencies change, so call your local non-emergency line directly and ask.

Law-enforcement and first-responder interactions

We could not confirm a statewide Tennessee disability-disclosure registry or ID-card program at the time of this review — if one exists in Rutherford County specifically, ask your local police or sheriff’s non-emergency line directly. What you can do regardless: call the non-emergency line in advance and ask them to note that an autistic or disabled adult lives at your address, and practice a short, clear disclosure statement — “I am autistic” or a card that says so — for the person to use or carry if that helps. Practicing staying still, keeping hands visible, and expecting a slower response to instructions can also help in an actual encounter.

Crisis planning

A written crisis plan should name what escalation looks like for this specific person, what actually helps de-escalate, exactly who to call in order, and a preferred hospital or emergency department if one exists. Tennessee START (Systemic, Therapeutic, Assessment, Resources, and Treatment) is a statewide crisis-response program specifically for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities who have complex behavioral or mental health needs, offering 24/7 crisis response once someone is enrolled — ask a DDA or ECF CHOICES support coordinator about a referral, since enrollment currently centers on people already connected to Medicaid waiver services.

Tennessee law also allows a psychiatric advance directive (Tenn. Code Ann. §§ 33-6-1001 to 1015) — a document created while someone is well that states their treatment preferences and can name a health care agent to act on them during a future mental health crisis, generally valid for up to two years unless revoked sooner. An attorney or the person’s psychiatric provider can walk through the current form and rules.

Communication rights and expressing refusal

Access to AAC is a right, not a reward for good behavior — a device or communication system should be charged, present, and usable at all times, including during difficult moments, not taken away as a consequence. Behavior is communication: a meltdown, a shutdown, turning away, or refusing to move can be the “no,” even without a word or a button press. Supporters have a duty to notice and investigate that kind of refusal rather than working around it or overriding it to keep a schedule on track. Presuming competence — assuming someone understands more than they can easily show in the moment — changes how carefully people listen.

Self-advocacy and peer support

People First of Tennessee is a statewide, grassroots, self-advocate-led disability rights organization with chapters across the state, including one in Rutherford County — membership is $5 for self-advocates, and it’s reachable through The Arc Tennessee at 615-248-5878 ext. 305. The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) is a national organization run by and for autistic people, working on policy and community resources across education, community living, healthcare, and more: autisticadvocacy.org. Autism Tennessee also runs adult peer groups specifically for autistic adults, not only parent-facing programs. Our own support groups listing and online group are additional starting points.

Questions to ask

• How do you train staff to recognize and respond to signs of abuse or neglect?
• How does a nonspeaking or minimally speaking person report a problem to you?
• What is your policy on one-on-one time between staff and the people you support, and how is it supervised?
• How do you handle questions about dating, relationships, or sexuality education if they come up?
• What happens when someone says no to an activity or a specific staff member?
• Do you ever use restraint or seclusion, under what circumstances, and how is it documented and reported to us?
• Who do you call in a mental health crisis, and are you familiar with Tennessee START?
• Can family or a support coordinator visit unannounced?